It was really fun to read your blog. There was a good mix of stories, facts, culture and nice pictures. The trip felt very realistic and well worked through. The posts were varied and it seemed like you had a great time writing them. You included a lot of good facts about the states and cities you visited. Different cultural and social patterns were also brought up. The pictures were good and relevant and we truly appreciated the explaining texts under them.
You have a really good text with some mistakes but it was mostly good. The language was varied and a lot of the time the text was quite entertaining.
We liked your way of writing and you had a suiting language for the purpose. What proves this is that we were able to read the whole blog and actually don’t get tired because something new happened all the time. This indicates a varied language and an entertaining story.
You wrote great information about the Grand Canyon, and some of it was interesting but keep in mind that too much information makes it a bit boring. Try to take the necessary facts that help the reader to understand your text instead of making the reader yawn. Another thing that we thought didn´t really fit in was Paco. It was quite unique that you brought him in your trip, but at the same time the trip was about a couple of friends that visited the U.S from Sweden.
It would be more fun to read your blog if you had more variation to it, such as music videos, interviews, pictures of typical food in the states/cities etc. It is important because you are not only writing to your parents but you are also entertaining your readers.
The first thing we noticed when we read your text was the incomplete sentences. The sentences didn’t really sound good so we suggest either rewriting them or adding just a few words to make it sound better.
You can find an example of the “incomplete sentences” in the text from Santa Fe. The text said: “We were given strict restrictions about not music or talking after 10 P.M”. To complete this sentence you could have written something like “We were given strict restrictions about not listening to music or talking after 10 P.M.
It’s just a minor mistake but we found several of them in the text so a good idea might be to look through the text once more and fill in some words to make the text sound better!
The other thing we found a bit negative about your text was the weird comma-sign placements. You can find an example of this in the “Planning” text.
You wrote: “Turned out that we had to stay for a month go through nine states but as the flight to San Francisco, where we were going to start off, would take us fifteen hours and cost us a whole lot, we didn’t mind making the most of our stay in the US.”
The whole sentence sounds a bit weird to us and we think it would have sounded better if you rewrote it.
The third thing we noticed about the text was that the language was very Swenglish in some parts.
To summarize the text, you might want to read your text through once more and try to look for the types of mistakes that we found and correct them.
The video came in a bit late, but it was quite entertaining. Good job, guys! It was fun to read your blog. We´re looking forward to read your blog if you decide to travel again!
// the Coasttravelers
Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:
You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out / Change )
Connecting to %s
Notify me of new comments via email.